The Inferno

I did some Christmas shopping this week. Online. It was nice - I shopped a couple of places that offered free shipping and found some good gifts. It was the antithesis of stressful Christmas shopping.

Also this week, I received a coupon for a large department store by e-mail. There happened to be something on my Christmas list at that large department store, so today I ventured out to Dante's 4th Circle of Hell - the mall. On a Saturday. Those to whom I mentioned my plan either laughed or asked if I was nuts. My goal was to be very Zen about it. I understand there will be no parking. I understand there will be crowds. I am not in a hurry. I have no schedule to keep. It will be okay. I was right about the parking and the crowds. It was a busy place! I went to the nameless store, carefully made my selection and found the line. As I stood patiently in line, a woman who'd been rifling through a nearby sale bin stepped in front of me. A few minutes later, she asked if I'd been in a line a long time. What? Oh - she has just realized that perhaps she butted. Oh well. Zen, remember? You're fine, I told her. I meant it. Merry Christmas. Soon, it's my turn at the register of fate. The woman behind the counter rings up my items, then scans my coupon. None of your items are eligible for this coupon, says the counter woman. Zen, remember? Oh. Then I don't want them, I told her calmly. And turned and walked away. I've been pondering what went wrong. I did read all of the fine print on the coupon. I don't know why my items were ineligible. Yet, they were. So I left them, all forlorn and confused about their abandonment there on the counter.

Realizing that the Zen was wearing off, I headed back to the car. I was almost safely out of the mall without completely loosing the Zen feeling, when a woman with a sizable and squishy caboose backed into my person while I was walking toward the door. Did she turn around and apologize profusely for almost knocking me out with her derriere? No. Did she even turn around. Not so much.

As I drove away, I had to laugh a little. I will probably go back to Dante's 4th Circle later this week. To buy the items I abandoned a little while ago. **Sigh** Hopefully the caboose won't be there.